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Wedding Speeches Australia and NZ

 

 

Sample Remarks from the Free Humour File.

I was once usher at a friends Wedding and I asked a lady who was entering the Church, if she was a friend of the Groom. She replied, “Certainly not, I am the Bride’s mother.”
 

We call him the exorcist in our house. Every time he comes around, he rids us of all our spirits.

# had an accident last year, which she claimed was caused by swerving to avoid a Koala. Personally I don’t think it was the Koala’s fault,---it was in a tree at the time.

One side of his car had a red wing and the other side a blue one. He loved to hear the witnesses contradict each other.

He was a bit of a tearaway in his teens and ended up with a shocking Police record; ' Walking on the Moon. '

I am not trying to say that #’s a big drinker, but he’s a bigger folk hero in the South Australian wine region, than Shane Warne.
 

Thank you very much for the kind comments #. Where did you get your jokes from, the Ian Dickson book of wedding humour?

I heard him asking the assistant in the wine shop, if she could recommend a breakfast wine.

Rob has spent a fortune over the years, some on women, some on drink and the rest he spent foolishly.

She joined Gourmet magazine, but a few months later they tried to buy back her subscription.

She is so successful at shopping, [leading designer store] recently applied for planning permission; To open a branch in their living room.

I think the main reason for Pete’s lack of luck with the ladies is his chat up line, “I suffer from amnesia; Do I come here often?”

He once applied to join a lonely-hearts club, but they told him they were not that lonely.
 

Jon loves music so much, if he heard Delta Goodrem singing in the bath, it would be his ear he put to the keyhole.

He’s so short, he’s the only man I know whose feet appear on his passport photograph.

 

As many of you will know, Pete is a plumber. You may also have heard his slogan, “Your crap is my bread and butter.”

 

Apparently when his hair started to drop out, he went to the Doctors for something to help keep it in.---The Doctor said, “What about a shoe box?”

 

Doug as most of you will know is a joiner. When he does jobs for people and gives them the bill, they seem to mistake him for another carpenter.---Invariably when he gives them the price they say, ‘Jesus.’

 

When he was in his teens, Bruce became very interested in cars and loved reading about them; his favourite magazines were Escort and Fiesta.---

 

Ray is a very understanding man; who believes in being tolerant of those people who disagree with him; as he puts it, ‘They have a right to their ridiculous opinions.’